First week...ugh

This week was HARD but it's over. I stayed in my points range and was optimistically hopeful that I would see a 3-5lb loss... not quite.

I lost .6 lbs. Not even a whole lb! I was quite discouraged but after talking (aka freaking out) to my bestie she reminded me I was on my cycle and could be retaining water weight. Makes sense so I am hopeful for a better number next week.

Hubs just got home with a bouquet for me after my morning of disappointment. What a great guy!  :) better go shower him with love.

Took a detour, and I'm back at it

Where did the summer go?  I mean I was chugging along,  working on my tan,  growing some muscles and BAM! Gallbladder craps out. Hospital for four days with pancreatitis and recovery took longer than I imagined. Sure, I've been back to the gym since but nothing consistent or routine. My motivation is deflated. My will is weak. When I have a couple minutes free, no kids, last thing I want to do is work out.

I read a quote from a friends instagram that said. "You can't out train a bad diet"
I thought..What?.....why not?! That's my dream!! (Yours too?) and I fought it hard. I thought. ..i'm gonna prove you can. I will be the first person in the history of earth to do it. Why?  Cause I focus on the wrong things to get obsessive about and I'm over dramatic. Lol.(Like you didn't already know that)

So that plan was futile. I have gym rat Nate living with me and he says .."losing weight is like 80% diet" ... that awful word.diet. yeah yeah. Well I think I'm so tired of being obese I'm doing it. Again. I joined  weight watchers again cause they had buy one get one month free. I need that accountability of weighing in and I need the celebrations when I reach milestones. So this is day 3. My weigh in day is Friday. I technically started last week but when I weighed in they said it was starting me from that official weigh in. So I'll chalk the first week up to practice. It was HARD.I feel the emotional attachments I have to food. I use it to numb or comfort or nurture myself. Isolate even. I'm walking through It and tracking everything I eat even if I take a bite. I ate funnel cake yesterday. . Yikes. I went to the Movie tonight with hubs.

Dine in eating. Usually id get the chicken fingers, fries, bbq n soda plus dessert!  That's probably my day in points. Tonight I ordered a chicken Caesar wrap with side of fruit and dressing on the side. I ate all my fruit= 0 pts!!:) and half the wrap and just the chicken out of the other half. I was stuffed! I'm proud of making healthier choices. We even passed up going for fro yo cause we were full. Who does that? 

Taking it a day a time and hope it pays off at the weigh in. I'll keep ya posted! !

I'm officially a dirty girl!!

I signed up for a mud run called the Dirty Girl 5K, I was influenced by my friend Joy. Her MOPS group put together a group of ladies and she invited me along. I resisted at first, but figured I could check it out since she promised she wasn't a runner! :) Plus, I HAD been working out 4 times a week so, I had some muscles growing!

The morning of I was tired, Nate just got home from being out of town for work at 1am and I had to get up and be ready by 8. Sans coffee- didn't want to dehydrate myself. I was NERVOUS! I wanted to back out and call in sick! rely on my injury and instructions from the chiropractor.. I didn't though, I pushed through.

The race started at 10am, It wasn't too hot but, in the sun it was toasty. We crawled through the mud straight out of the gate and then walked forever with sagging pants. My shorts were above my knee when i started, they were capris by the time I was mid-way and they were flapping against my leg like, weird elephant ear skin? not sure how to describe it. My shoes were so heavy with mud that was a workout on its own... After the initial mud crawl, I didn't mind it much. We went down a slide into a mud pit- FLEW down it and landed butt first. It was pretty hilarious! Various other obstacles broke up the walk, There was a bungee cord maze you had to step and bend through, a bouncy wall climb that you had to bounce back down awkwardly, a couple short walls to climb over and lots of walking through mud and muddy water, which was utilized as a bath by most.. hee hee.. gross. the two toughest obstacles for me personally..

The rope climb, you climb up a triangle shaped of rope squares, ring a bell and throw your body over this pole and climb down the rope on the other side. I am afraid of heights.. but, as my friend who is also afraid of heights, was nervous up there, I was in a "zone" I didn't even let myself go there to the fear side. I just did it as slowly and best I could. I completed it! wahoo!!

The other tricky one was what I called the spiderweb rope. You climbed up and had to make it across not one, but two rope nets you had to make your way over. When you get on the rope it dips down in the middle and its so weird to get across. I had my own plan and it worked but, I did end up with weird dot bruises around my knees from crawling over all the rope knots..

The muddy tubes with a tarp over them you had to crawl through, I am claustrophobic, but I did it! as soon as I knelt down on my knees and put my head under the tarp I wanted to jump out but, I just crawled super speed through it. Amazing!

Overall, I was pretty impressed I completed the obstacles and the walk. I was beat up and sore for days but, It was fun and the mud on the hot day felt gross but, nice and cooling at the same time. At the end we got to go to the shower tent which is a bunch of naked women using garden hoses to spray themselves down.. bonding experience!?!... Usually modest I had to get the mud off so I stripped down to my skivvys and sprayed down twice! still had mud in bad places when I got home. I am glad I did it, it was fun and it showed me that I am stronger than I thought. My next 5k will be cleaner however!

It's been a while..

Two weeks without any posting or updates. I have just been in a funk. I still am in this funk but, I am trying to find my way out. Nate was out of town two weeks ago and life around here was crazy. I made it to the gym twice that week and then somehow tweaked my lower back/hip two days before the mud run. My chiropractor told me no exercise for a few days! I was like, ummmm... well I signed up for this mud run... and he's like "YOU did?".. yeah, he is always surprised when I tell him what I sign up for, like he was shocked I did Zumba so often for a while.. oh well. So, I said Yup, not sure what I was thinking.. he says " See ya Monday!" and sure enough.. he did! LOL

The mud run went good. I will write a post on that later.. So, last week I don't think I made it to the gym more than once. I spent many hours at the pool but, I was just giving up for a week. I was super sore for DAYS! after my run and I guess when I have a goal end date that I am training for, after I complete it, I take a break until I find a new goal..

I am really,really struggling with food, ya'll. I love to eat, my kids like food that isn't very "diet friendly" and if you didn't know, I don't like to cook much. I leave that task up to Nate...eek! So, no way that I want to cook up multiple meals.. and the snacks! oh boy! I am a sugar addict! So, I KNOW in order to lose weight I need to change my eating habits.. I just am not ready yet to revamp it all. I have toyed with the idea of WW again.. I already have an app on my phone that I can use to track. But, I have a mental block for some reason. I get bored with the same ole healthy breakfasts.. eggs,yogurt and fruit,oatmeal... any ideas on other things I can try would be appreciated!!
Gonna write more later.

So last month.. Onto month 2!

I didn't post last weekend because I was feeling defeated! I barely lost any inches or lbs. I've lost about 5 total lbs. I can tell my clothes fit different but, that's all I can see.. So I wasn't wanting to report nothing. I think I get caught up cause this is a weight loss blog and I'm not really dropping big numbers over here. The places I see it vanishing aren't measured.. My shoulders, neckline, bust.. Well I measure that.. And my legs are toning up a lil.. Starting very faintly to see my quad line on the side show up and my knees are less fat. Ha! 

The biggest thing I've noticed is my attitude. So much better when I exercise! I feel more confident, I feel proud of myself and I feel prettier.. Even if the scale isn't plunging! 

I found a quote on Pinterest that really sums up what I am feeling and living! 

" motivation is what gets you started, habit is what keeps you going"

So true! I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to skip the gym and went anyway, wanted to slack off on my walking and sucked it up. All the time. I do it because there is a point. I want to be stronger, healthier and happier. I can bitch and moan in my head THE WHOLE TIME. Or, I can tell myself how awesome I am and that I'm a badass sexy chick. I CAN do this! I tend to oscillate between the two. :) 

I am so fortunate to have the women in my life I do! I have 3 friends that I've been working out alongside. They keep me focused, accountable and social! It's always more fun with a friend and its been exactly what I need right now! 

I am signed up for a 5k in a week. It's more of an obstacle course in mud. I'm nervous but I've been consistent for 5 weeks.. Being active and hitting the gym 3-4 times a week. I hope to enjoy it and have a great experience! 

Thanks for reading.. 

Mid week check in!

Seriously! Had a great post n somehow deleted it! Grr.. Here's the highlights..

Walked Sunday at Zoo-3 miles

Monday- 2 miles/ arms

Wed- 2 miles/ legs

So, goal is two more workouts.

I'll add the good stuff I had written on Sunday! Too tired now

Week 4 Begins!!

Week 3 is over and onto week 4!! Yippee! I completed my goal of four workouts this week, two upper body, two lower and then today we went to the zoo and that was about a 3 mile walk! I did miss the gym this weekend but, I also enjoyed my resting my muscles. My weight isn't really changing, but I am still losing .5" in some areas.. I can't find my last weeks measurements.. Once I do I think I will make a spreadsheet on my laptop so I don't have this issue again ;-) Avery likes to find my notebooks and color all over them, or draw "maps" for me.

Results Thus Far:

I can tell a difference in my neckline and my face.

I am starting to get a waist again!

I'm not winded as easily anymore

. I've cut 4 minutes off my walking 2 miles!

I actually jogged cause I was "feeling it" (listening to my Pandora hip hop station).

I can see slight definition in my arms ,where there was NONE three weeks ago!

My bra is getting bigger- yay! (Finally!)

My capri jeans from last summer are loose on me.. I can feel the bagginess and folds in my derriere area.

I signed up for my first challenging 5K ... it's in 3 weeks!

Overall, I'm in the swing, I need to reign in my eating, especially the weekends!
This weekend we celebrated our anniversary with food every day! ugh.. Chipotle/ Cheesecake Factory Friday Night, Chinese Last Night, Donuts this morning.. Just writing that makes me want to go workout.

Mid-week check in

It's Wednesday. Not much to report. I've worked out twice so far, if I workout two more times before Sunday that will reach my goal for the week. To complete two arm/back workouts and two lower body workouts. 

I have increased my walking speed from 2.8 to 3.5 and my top speed Tuesday without holding on was 3.7! I also did 2.25 miles in 41 minutes.. Increased from 2 miles in 40. It's the small steps! 

I notice a difference in my legs already, they are slimming down and toning up. Not my thighs yet but, they will get there. Just trying to stay consistent and if nothing else.. Keep up with my walking. 

See ya Sunday for weigh in/ measurements!!

Week 3!

Today starts week 3... Thank god! Week 2 kinda sucked. I made it to the gym 3 times and then walked the zoo one day, which I count as a workout :)My eating was less than stellar but, I got to buy a size smaller dress! That was my highlight! So, I weighed in today at it said I GAINED 2 LBS... but, I took my measurements and I collectively lost .5" all over to total -4" So, that's good I suppose.

I get so frustrated because I feel like I am making better choices, for the most part and go put in work even when I dont want to..Just wish I was seeing better results. So, my resolve is to write down what I eat, not to beat myself up but, so I can see what I am eating and change it. I think I have come to the realization that the MORE I try to control it and obsess about it, the more I lose control and overeat after one slip up. I am trying to stay in the land of compromise or "grey".. not the mindset of ALL or NOTHING.. meaning Eat everything or Starve and then eat everything! lol... I am really trying to implore God's help in this matter and assist me.

I have found that when I get in the habit of going to workout every day or every other day, I WANT to go again. It's a good cycle to get in. Cause I feel better about myself, I feel healthier and skinnier, even if I am not, yet. I am happier overall and I sleep better. It puts me in the hope mode of thinking.. Like, daydreaming about how fit I am going to be and how cute the clothes will be and how much more I can play with my kids.

Here's a fear of mine..Saving a ton of money to go to disneyland someday and not being able to fit in the plane without a seatbelt extender, not being able to ride a ride because of weight limits.. getting so worn out from walking that I am not utilizing every moment in the moment, instead hiding in the hotel resting. OR another "dream" of mine is to take a much needed late honeymoon to a tropical location and not able to enjoy laying out on the beach getting some sun and wearing resort wear because I am too large and sweaty or embarrassed by my shape :( the biggest motivator right now is I kinda want another bambino, I know that can't happen until I am a healthier weight... I go back and forth on this issue mainly because of my weight. If I was 150 lbs, I would probably be pregnant or have a third child by now. I don't want my weight dictating how my life is, or what opportunities I have to pass up on or miss because of it..

So, this is the reason I am imploring God's help. I need a change greater than me, greater than my negative mind is capable of and the only one who I know that can offer help is GOD. He wants the best for me.. He is all powerful and knowing, He knows how I think and how I work, better than I do most days.. He gets me and can turn this frown upside down.. It's my only hope at this point.. he is LOVE, he is PERFECTION and he is GRACIOUS.. So, I am turning this addiction to food, this struggle, this burden to HIM. I have been healed before through prayer, so i absolutely TRUST he will free me from this bondage as well. :)
Thanks again for being a part of this journey. I didn't have a huge loss this week but, its progress not perfection..

Mid-week check in: week 2

Just checking in to update on my progress this week. I took measurements  on Sunday so I am looking forward to seeing if I have any results yet..

I have been to the gym Sun, Mon & Wed so far.. I started getting a nasty callous/ blister on the ball of my foot so I took Tuesday off and rested it. Today was fine, I just covered it with a huge band-aid and made it through my walking fine! 

I have shaved off two minutes this week on my 2 mile walking.. And I am now in the phase that my muscles are growing under my fat so my jeans feel snug.. Argh, I can see some differences already in the way I look and clothes fit.. It's been tough to get motivated this week.. But I just go through the motions anyways.. Trying to make this a routine or a new healthy habit. I always feel better about myself when I'm done!

Oh! Almost forgot.. Went shopping for a dress to wear to a wedding this weekend and I WAS in a 2x.. Cause of my huge bust..(okay, and back fat, who am I kidding,,) But, I am happy to say I tried on the 2x and it was too big! So I tried on the 1x and it fit perfect!! Eek! It's the little things.. ;) 

No gym tomorrow, going to walk the KC Zoo with my neighbor & our kids to kick off the first day of summer!! :) ciao.

Week two starts!

The last 3 days I went to the gym once, and did my walking and arms machines. I haven't been dieting, just trying to eat more whole foods and less junk/ fast food. Although I did have some last night.. 

I weighed in today since its the start of week 2 and I am down 4 lbs!! Hooray! So, I'm planning a trip to the gym today to start my week off right! I had donuts for breakfast.. The kids requested them but I opted for a plain one with cinnamon to compliment my coffee... instead of my regular custard filled chocolate iced long John.. :) 

I am happy with my loss! I'm going to take measurements today and start tracking those as well.. Avery says

"Daddy, mommy is getting smaller!" So cute.. 

Days 1-3

Week one.. Again.. Day one was awful! I was in a funk, depressed and was eating badly. I made myself write my food but that evening I devoured a bag of twizzlers bites and half a serving of butterfinger bites in the comfort of a dark movie theatre.. In my defense the twizzlers were just standard size bag.. But still! Hella carbs!! I also worked out and decided to start by walking. I usually get intense and overdo it whenever I start to lose weight.. Obviously that method hasn't been successful in the past so, I walk now! I'm a walker :) yippee haha.. Anyways I walked for 40 mins and did leg machines. 

Day two I was feeling better emotionally so I went with a friend and we walked 40 minutes again and did arm machines.. Then Avery, the pup and I walked to pick up Ethan. It's a mile round trip.. I've measured before. So I put in 3 miles that day! Tracked my food and just trying to make better choices.

Day 3- I was going to take a break today so I mowed the lawn to get some exercise.. In 80* heat! Not fun! Then when Nate came home from work I was feeling funky again so I escaped to get my walk in. I walked for 45 mins. I didn't want to leave but he had trap shooting league. Now I am exhausted!! And have a date for the gym at 9:15am. So I better get some rest. My legs hurt, in a good way! But my feet feel awful as I'm walking! Hope this gets easier! I'm not gonna stop. Night'

Starting over... Again.

I wish I wasn't starting again and was updating on my amazing progress. But, I guess that's what this journey is.. It is what it is.. As they say. I am so tired of being the me I am. I despise my fat all over me, I get so tired, I don't like being around people because I know they are looking at how large I have gotten and glancing at the way my shirt seems to stick against my bulging fat rolls like a magnet. 

I was looking for something to wear the other day and I thought, am I in the mindset of denial and buying clothes all wrong for me?! Do I need to buy even larger sizes? My answer to that is NO. I won't do it! I'm gonna sweat this fat off and be able to wear the clothes I already have until they are hanging off me. 

I am almost back to my largest weight.. My 9 months pregnant weight except.. I'm not pregnant!! How fucking depressing is that?! How did I get here and why am I so afraid to dig myself out? I feel like I am in a fat suit. I feel like I am not myself. I avoid people and social gatherings because of how I look. I'm embarrassed, I'm ashamed.

I'm afraid I'm running out of time. Pretty soon my kids are going to ask me about being fat. Or some mean kid might even say something about me to my kids. I don't want to be embarrassing to them! I want them to be proud of me. I want to be the the pretty mom, the fun mom.. Not the lazy, depressed, obese mom. I haven't worked through all these issues in my life to end up like this! I feel like life is over and it really should just be beginning... 

I don't know where to start. I get overwhelmed and super hard on myself so I am going to keep it super simple. Workout and count calories. Take measurements and focus on building muscle and walking walking walking. 

I have to do this! For me, my hubby and my two kids! It's not about swimsuit season or skinny jeans for me.. This is about my negative feelings about myself impacting my kids, my hubby, everyone around me. I don't want to mold them and be this example. I want to be active and fun and keep up! If I put it off any longer I just don't know what will become of me.

I've tried different diets, I've tried deadlines.. Like, a trip date, a birthday I've written out how much I would lose by certain periods of time. I think I tend to over complicate everything!!! I need to love myself through this, be gentle and stick with it! 

My first big goal will be 5% of my weight..

13.5 lbs! That seems big to me but I will focus on one lb at a time. Any encouragement and support is welcomed. This is hard work ahead and my hope is to turn empowered as I see progress and feel joy and hope rather than sadness on the daily. 

Thanks for reading. This is my real. My story.  

The blog I was talking about

Here is the link to the girl who lost 100 lbs.. I can relate to almost all these things right now..


http://www.runsforcookies.com/p/non-scale-victories.html?m=1

Overwhelmed and UNmotivated..

So I pretty much quit working out and dieting the first time we got snowed in this year.. I forced myself to go back to the gym last monday and I could tell it had been quite a while. I have also had an injured knee that I just haven't taken the time to get looked at. I twisted it or something in Zumba one day and now if I even mention the word Zumba, my knee starts throbbing.. which totally sucks! because I really enjoy dancing away the calories.

I feel like im in a rut and I can't rock out of it.. I am becoming one of those stories where the people say, I tried everything! I did every diet in the world, and nothing worked until ___________. What the blank is for me? I don't know. But, I am so ready to find out! I bought a bodybugg for xmas. Never use it, I have an online subscript to WW online on my iphone. not consistent. I have a gym membership WITH childcare included!barely go. I bought myself new workout clothes and shoes to get me pumped. They are just sitting in my drawer.

I complain and think about my weight almost on the daily. If I could "wish" it away, I would be skinny as hell by now. But, That's not the way it works. Instead I beat myself up and eat some chocolate. It's a vicious cycle. I wish I knew what to do, or had the wear with all to stick with it! What on earth will it take?!

Today I had a tiny pregnancy scare, Not preggo!! but, for the moment I thought I may be, All I could think about was my weight and how big I am and how unhealthy that is to be pregnant and gain more weight. I was freaking out, thinking I am closer to the 300 mark than the 200 mark. How crazy is that?! I think it's so horrible that I can't even accept it, im in denial. Its overwhelming to think how far I have to go!So so so far.

I went to Chipolte last night and my ass fit in the chair outside snugly! UGH!I don't want people who knew me skinnier to see me now. It's embarrassing, but mostly I wish I could have my confidence and my health back! I do want it back! I saw a blog on pinterest that a woman wrote about her befores and afters she lost 100#.. I could relate way too well to the befores and hope with hope to one day to have the afters. I feel like I have a mental block. Its easier to isolate and eat "comfort" food then, to go into the world, show off my rolls that my tee shirt clings to when im working out. :(

SO, that's where I am at.. Its depressing.

Week 2 & 3

My second week of my new lifestyle was pretty good. I lost 4 inches off my waist and an inch off my arms and hips.. I have been taking measurements as well as weighing in. Usually my weigh ins were falling on Fridays but my cycle started so I knew my weigh in would be all whacked out from water and bloating so I held off until Monday. I had actually gained but then when it was over I weighed in this past Monday and I am down just shy of 4 lbs.. My third weigh in will take place tomorrow! I will be honest between Avery and I we have been sick for about a week so my fitness isn't on top and my eating has been slacking. I was eating the extra cals my app figures in after exercise but the scale is showing me that is not the way to go.. So I still add in my workouts just don't eat the extra cals.. I'm getting pretty used to staying in my range. This weekend was one of birthdays so I got a Lil off track but, the great thing is that there's always a new day to try again and tweak things.. I did zumba Wed and Sun.. I am going to try to get in to the gym more this week and add in some weights as I come up on my month.. Can't believe it's been a month! I had a friend tell me I looked like I lost some weight that was nice since they say others don't notice for twelve weeks. I can tell in my face, I can feel my jaw bone more prominent, my skin is aging and I have a dimple now when I smile.. Kinda funny. Also my boobs don't suffocate me when I lay on my back lol tmi but, I like to be real so, there you have it! I will log in with numbers tomorrow!! Ciao

Week One- Results

Whew! The first week is always the hardest in starting new changes.. But I made it! I am officially in week two! :) when I started this decision to become the best/ healthiest me, I had low goals. I set a workout goal of 3x a week / 30 mins of moderate activity. My fitness pal app gave me a calorie goal to lose 2/lbs a week.

I took measurements and I am excited to say- I lost my 2.2 lbs this week! AND 3 inches off my waist! Makes me motivated to keep going.. I'm pretty used to the eating and my stomach has shrunk because I barely eat a serving and I'm stuffed now! I still eat snacks as long as I track them and I eat a serving! Not a whole bag of Oreos... They aren't allowed in my house at all!!

I worked out 5x's this week! I hope the weeks get easier! I am in love with Zumba and my wii Just Dance games! Makes me sweat and doesn't feel like I'm working!

I have noticed how big I am from being in classes with mirrors..like Zumba. I tend to stand in the back and avoid looking at myself. But today I was rockin my new gym gear and thought I looked pretty cute before hand then I got there and felt like I was too big to be wearing what I was.. Towards the end of class I was thinking who cares? You are going to shrink before their eyes! It's amazing.. Let em look!

It's easy for a skinny girl to bounce a dance class but, it takes character for a larger lady to shake her wiggly bits in front of a group of spandex.. I did feel like Fat Amy from pitch perfect.. She's awesome and so am I!! :))

Letter to the Chubby Girl

This was a blog entry a high school friend of mine told me about..love it!


Hey, Fat Girl.


Yes, you. The one feigning to not see me when we cross paths on the running track. The one not even wearing sports gear, breathing heavy. You’re slow, you breathe hard and your efforts at moving forward make you cringe.

You cling shyly to the furthest corridor, sometimes making larger loops on the gravel ring by the track just so you’re not on it. You sweat so much that your hair is all wet. You rarely stay for more than 20 minutes at a time, and you look exhausted when you leave to go back home. You never talk to anyone. I’ve got something I’d like to say to you.

You are awesome.

If you’d look me in the eye only for an instant, you would notice the reverence and respect I have for you. The adventure you have started is tremendous; it leads to a better health, to renewed confidence and to a brand new kind of freedom. The gifts you will receive from running will far exceed the gigantic effort it takes you to show up here, to face your fears and to bravely set yourself in motion, in front of others.

You have already begun your transformation. You no longer accept this physical state of numbness and passivity. You have taken a difficult decision, but one that holds so much promise. Every hard breath you take is actually a tad easier than the one before, and every step is ever so slightly lighter. Each push forward leaves the former person you were in your wake, creating room for an improved version, one that is stronger, healthier and forward-looking, one who knows that anything is possible.

You’re a hero to me. And, if you’d take off the blaring headphones and put your head up for more than a second or two, you would notice that the other runners you cross, the ones that probably make you feel so inadequate, stare in awe at your determination. They, of all people, know best where you are coming from. They heard the resolutions of so many others, who vowed to pick up running and improve their health, “starting next week”. Yet, it is YOU who runs alongside, who digs from deep inside to find the strength to come here, and to come back again.

You are a runner, and no one can take that away from you. You are relentlessly moving forward. You are stronger than even you think, and you are about to be amazed by what you can do. One day, very soon, maybe tomorrow, you’ll step outside and marvel at your capabilities. You will not believe your own body, you will realize that you can do this. And a new horizon will open up for you. You are a true inspiration.

I bow to you.

The New Year

So every new year people commence to change their ways! It's a fresh start! I'm going to be different by God! .. For me, this happens every Monday... I know, exhausting, right? But this year I really feel it! I think I'm so sick of being unhealthy not just physically, but definitely emotionally and spiritually as well. I was in bed crying the other night just finally hitting my "fat" bottom if you will, pun not intended :)

The next day I made the choice to go to the gym and track my food choices.. I will weigh/ measure on Friday the results of my effort and I must say, I am excited! I have done some sort of activity everyday to reach my goal and stayed pretty close in range to my calories allotted. I got a bodybugg for Xmas.. If you watch the Biggest Loser, it's those armbands they wear. They track calories burned, steps taken and have a food log too. I just use MyFitnessPal app and then will copy it over to see my bodybugg math in action.

It's really helped to have a group of friends that attend the same gym and like the same classes. It gets me motivated! I'm also working on the mental aspect by going through a book called a course in weight loss with some friends. I'm stuck on the first lesson cause you have to write a lot about your issues.. I have more issues than US Weekly!

But I feel positive even though I'm the biggest girl in my Zumba class and my feet feel like they might just fall off at the ankles. I go back again cause I'm in it to win it! I'm here to say, take note! Because I am just going to be shrinking from here on out! If you see me in the gym you will get to witness this transformation in action. It may not look pretty..actually, I guarantee it won't.. But in the end I will be healthy and here for my kids. I will teach my daughter to be healthy and that you can achieve anything! Even if its losing 100#. I just want to be a healthy BMI. I don't want to stand out in Zumba class and I want to have loads of energy to reach other life goals. I've been stagnate too long. Isolating, beating myself up and feeling like crap. I want to be sublimely happy no matter what size jeans I'm in cause I know I'm taking care of myself and my family!

Let me hop off my soapbox, thanks for reading and let the transforming begin!!