Here is the link to the girl who lost 100 lbs.. I can relate to almost all these things right now..
http://www.runsforcookies.com/p/non-scale-victories.html?m=1
Monday, April 8, 2013
Overwhelmed and UNmotivated..
So I pretty much quit working out and dieting the first time we got snowed in this year.. I forced myself to go back to the gym last monday and I could tell it had been quite a while. I have also had an injured knee that I just haven't taken the time to get looked at. I twisted it or something in Zumba one day and now if I even mention the word Zumba, my knee starts throbbing.. which totally sucks! because I really enjoy dancing away the calories.
I feel like im in a rut and I can't rock out of it.. I am becoming one of those stories where the people say, I tried everything! I did every diet in the world, and nothing worked until ___________. What the blank is for me? I don't know. But, I am so ready to find out! I bought a bodybugg for xmas. Never use it, I have an online subscript to WW online on my iphone. not consistent. I have a gym membership WITH childcare included!barely go. I bought myself new workout clothes and shoes to get me pumped. They are just sitting in my drawer.
I complain and think about my weight almost on the daily. If I could "wish" it away, I would be skinny as hell by now. But, That's not the way it works. Instead I beat myself up and eat some chocolate. It's a vicious cycle. I wish I knew what to do, or had the wear with all to stick with it! What on earth will it take?!
Today I had a tiny pregnancy scare, Not preggo!! but, for the moment I thought I may be, All I could think about was my weight and how big I am and how unhealthy that is to be pregnant and gain more weight. I was freaking out, thinking I am closer to the 300 mark than the 200 mark. How crazy is that?! I think it's so horrible that I can't even accept it, im in denial. Its overwhelming to think how far I have to go!So so so far.
I went to Chipolte last night and my ass fit in the chair outside snugly! UGH!I don't want people who knew me skinnier to see me now. It's embarrassing, but mostly I wish I could have my confidence and my health back! I do want it back! I saw a blog on pinterest that a woman wrote about her befores and afters she lost 100#.. I could relate way too well to the befores and hope with hope to one day to have the afters. I feel like I have a mental block. Its easier to isolate and eat "comfort" food then, to go into the world, show off my rolls that my tee shirt clings to when im working out. :(
SO, that's where I am at.. Its depressing.
I feel like im in a rut and I can't rock out of it.. I am becoming one of those stories where the people say, I tried everything! I did every diet in the world, and nothing worked until ___________. What the blank is for me? I don't know. But, I am so ready to find out! I bought a bodybugg for xmas. Never use it, I have an online subscript to WW online on my iphone. not consistent. I have a gym membership WITH childcare included!barely go. I bought myself new workout clothes and shoes to get me pumped. They are just sitting in my drawer.
I complain and think about my weight almost on the daily. If I could "wish" it away, I would be skinny as hell by now. But, That's not the way it works. Instead I beat myself up and eat some chocolate. It's a vicious cycle. I wish I knew what to do, or had the wear with all to stick with it! What on earth will it take?!
Today I had a tiny pregnancy scare, Not preggo!! but, for the moment I thought I may be, All I could think about was my weight and how big I am and how unhealthy that is to be pregnant and gain more weight. I was freaking out, thinking I am closer to the 300 mark than the 200 mark. How crazy is that?! I think it's so horrible that I can't even accept it, im in denial. Its overwhelming to think how far I have to go!So so so far.
I went to Chipolte last night and my ass fit in the chair outside snugly! UGH!I don't want people who knew me skinnier to see me now. It's embarrassing, but mostly I wish I could have my confidence and my health back! I do want it back! I saw a blog on pinterest that a woman wrote about her befores and afters she lost 100#.. I could relate way too well to the befores and hope with hope to one day to have the afters. I feel like I have a mental block. Its easier to isolate and eat "comfort" food then, to go into the world, show off my rolls that my tee shirt clings to when im working out. :(
SO, that's where I am at.. Its depressing.
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