Day Two

Day 2: I woke up this morning after having a glorious dream about a beautiful buffet of food. Like something out of Narnia or on the Hunger Games train. I am still getting headaches and low energy.
I have been struggling to have only 300 calories at meals so, in an effort to offset my feelings of failure I looked to see what my trusty fitness pal had to say about my calorie intake. They thought I should eat 1500 to lose 2 lbs a week. I think that's perfect! I still aim for 1200 but, if I go over I don't get angry at myself and throw in the towel. Its a little freedom built in for my psyche.

 Still focusing on low carb or no carb foods. I am getting the hang of it but, its still hard to re-train myself and my body. At lunchtime today we had some brats from HyVee. I ate mine bun-less and watched as Nathan ate two huge hunks of carb glory. I was totally jonesin' for that bread! I would have taken even just a morsel or the crumbs but, I refrained. Every time I want to quit and eat a loaf of bread or bake a cake I just remind myself that I lost my choice in eating carbs just as I did in drinking and this is for my own good. I abuse food and use it to numb my emotions and fill my God-sized hole. That is not the purpose of food, I'm sure you know that but, apparently I don't... yet. I am learning.

 I find myself wanting to eat something sugary to make me feel better, especially at night while relaxing while these headaches plague me. I will ask myself if i am hungry or just bored. If I truly am hungry I allow myself some popcorn or fruit. Where in my previous eating habits I would have raided Ethan's lunch snacks and eaten ice cream bars. Progress. I am trying to be easy on myself as I learn and not have hateful self talk. It's all a process.

I don't know how to end my posts. Fin.