Week 3!

Today starts week 3... Thank god! Week 2 kinda sucked. I made it to the gym 3 times and then walked the zoo one day, which I count as a workout :)My eating was less than stellar but, I got to buy a size smaller dress! That was my highlight! So, I weighed in today at it said I GAINED 2 LBS... but, I took my measurements and I collectively lost .5" all over to total -4" So, that's good I suppose.

I get so frustrated because I feel like I am making better choices, for the most part and go put in work even when I dont want to..Just wish I was seeing better results. So, my resolve is to write down what I eat, not to beat myself up but, so I can see what I am eating and change it. I think I have come to the realization that the MORE I try to control it and obsess about it, the more I lose control and overeat after one slip up. I am trying to stay in the land of compromise or "grey".. not the mindset of ALL or NOTHING.. meaning Eat everything or Starve and then eat everything! lol... I am really trying to implore God's help in this matter and assist me.

I have found that when I get in the habit of going to workout every day or every other day, I WANT to go again. It's a good cycle to get in. Cause I feel better about myself, I feel healthier and skinnier, even if I am not, yet. I am happier overall and I sleep better. It puts me in the hope mode of thinking.. Like, daydreaming about how fit I am going to be and how cute the clothes will be and how much more I can play with my kids.

Here's a fear of mine..Saving a ton of money to go to disneyland someday and not being able to fit in the plane without a seatbelt extender, not being able to ride a ride because of weight limits.. getting so worn out from walking that I am not utilizing every moment in the moment, instead hiding in the hotel resting. OR another "dream" of mine is to take a much needed late honeymoon to a tropical location and not able to enjoy laying out on the beach getting some sun and wearing resort wear because I am too large and sweaty or embarrassed by my shape :( the biggest motivator right now is I kinda want another bambino, I know that can't happen until I am a healthier weight... I go back and forth on this issue mainly because of my weight. If I was 150 lbs, I would probably be pregnant or have a third child by now. I don't want my weight dictating how my life is, or what opportunities I have to pass up on or miss because of it..

So, this is the reason I am imploring God's help. I need a change greater than me, greater than my negative mind is capable of and the only one who I know that can offer help is GOD. He wants the best for me.. He is all powerful and knowing, He knows how I think and how I work, better than I do most days.. He gets me and can turn this frown upside down.. It's my only hope at this point.. he is LOVE, he is PERFECTION and he is GRACIOUS.. So, I am turning this addiction to food, this struggle, this burden to HIM. I have been healed before through prayer, so i absolutely TRUST he will free me from this bondage as well. :)
Thanks again for being a part of this journey. I didn't have a huge loss this week but, its progress not perfection..